It was in december 2003 (if i remember it right). There was alot going on in my life at that time. My sister had a hard time, I wont tell you what cuz I think that it is her business if she wants to tell, my mother also had a hard time dealing with a medical condition, and my fathers mother was ill, and in the hospital. I dated a guy I kind of liked..I remember I at that time had problems with my feet. I got an inflammation in on of the tendons in one of my feet. When that got better, the other one got the same problem. I thought it was becuase i ran alot, so that my feet were congested..well, I had kind of right but oh so wrong.
The guy broke up with me and I was kind of sad, I knew it would come to an end, we didn't match. MY grandma got sicker and my dad sad..my mom had recovered and my sister was on her way to recover. I on the other hand was not, my problems had just started!
I remember I was out running and i started to feel something wierd in my foot. It was underneath the left foot under the middle toe..it felt like a needle or something..I didn't think much about it..but then one day my toe got swollen. I went to see a doctor, but she said that it would be ok. In a vcouple of weeks the toe was still swollen..I went to see the doctor again..this time it was a young man..he sent me to get an xray, but it did not show anything so i just waited..Then I went to the doctors AGAIN this time she said it could be a nerve that was clamped..I told her what i should do but she said that I could have surgery at some point, but she did not tell me when..I was so sad..I wanted to run and stuff, but i couldnt.
At tis time my hip had started to hurt also..I couldn't really walk normally, it hurt so much..At some point my dwollen toe became a swollen foot, so I went to the doctor and she smiled and said:"Now it is like a little bun". Then she connected the swollen foot and my hip with another case in my family..she told me to lay down on a bed so that she could examen me..then she told me: you have reumathism.
Reumathism is a disease that makes your body attack your own body so that your joints get inflammated. I had this in the family, and all the stress within my family at this point, plus my eatingdisorder, could have been te reason i got this disease.
Now the hell started. I got strong painkillers from the doctor, cuz i couldn't really walk on my foot. At this time I was taking my driverslicense, and i just hated my drivinginstructor..she was mean, and I, who r, or at least was at that point, unsure of myself had a hard time learning. I can tell u this story later. i REALLY hated her, she was a mean bitch! Well, I paused my driving lessons, so that I could put my energy on becoming healthy again.
I got to she a specialist in this kind of disease, and she helped me. The pain was so bad! When I woke up in the morning it took me 15-20 minutes just to get out of bed, while crying and screaming because of the pain. I couldn't really put down my left foot, cuz it feltl ike knifes, it took forever to put my foot down, and it felt the same when i had to lift the foot from the ground again. My elbow started to hurt to, i couldn't get my arm straight..But I was not te one to complain. I didn't want my parents to drive me to the bus in the mornings so that i could go to school, no, i walked..i dragged my foot after me and well, i looked kind of like Quasimodo.
At one appointment with the specialist, I got a needles stuck into my elbow, a thick one. I didn't think it felöt bad, though she said it would hurt. Out came a yellow substanse, and that was what they needed to know what kind of reumathism I had and what kind of medicine I needed. I got medicine for my disease, and in some months i started to get better. I often got cortisone shots above my toe..I recovered kind of well, even if it was a struggle. At one point i had to go to the hospital and i stayed there fore a couple of days..but i did my homework and such, and i cried..i didn't want to be there..i didn't want to get fat (at the time i weighed 44kg). But after this time, i kind of started to recover from my disease. It took some years (five or 6 maybe) before i could stop eating the medicine, and before i could stop eating cortisone that made me swollen and made me feel sooo fat. It took even longer to really get rid of my obsession with my body. I am not really happy with how i look, but i have accepted it, and i feel happy, and that is all that matters, isn't it?
So, if u read this, and if u r struggeling with some demons of your own, or some disease, please, think positive, even if it's hard! I have learned life is much easier if you try to stay on top, even if you could be on the bottom. A positive mind also helps with the healing process, and that is a fact!
Nowasays i am really positive, I try to see the positive things in everything. Negativity brings you down, even if sometimes u have to be negative to stay positive.
hugs from me! My story continues when i feel like i am in the right mood for sharing.
thanks for listening!
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